Happy Divorce Month
Written by: Melissa DaSilva LICSW
You read that right. According to statistics from the website eDivorcePapers.com, January has the highest rate of divorces of any month in the year. There can be several reasons for this phenomenon:
Waiting until after the holidays: Rocky relationships tend to be rocky for some time before January. Most couples choose not to start the divorce proceedings until after the holidays. This can be especially true if there are children involved. Nobody wants their child to associate this supposedly festive time of the year with their family breaking apart.
New Year, New Life: Some people see filing for divorce in January as a part of their New Year resolution. Some feel that their marriage is what is keeping them from living a happy and productive life. A divorce may be the answer for them.
The stress of the holidays: Although we are made to believe that the holidays are the best time of the year, in fact, the amount of stress that it can place on a marriage can be too much for the relationship to bare. The holidays can exasperate an already turbulent marriage. This stress can create more energy to push for a divorce.
Whether you are the person that is filing for the divorce or not, divorce can be extremely overwhelming. It can cause feelings of anger, guilt, sadness and loneliness for all parties involved. This is especially true for children of parents that are getting divorced. The good thing is, it doesn’t have to be this way. There is a help. Seeking out a therapist is a good idea in times such as these. Some benefits of therapy during and after divorce can include:
- It’s someone you can talk too and not have to worry about what the repercussion may be. There are many times when couples have so much emotion during an argument, they say something that later they wish that they hadn’t. Being able to get these feelings off your chest or role play with your therapist what you are dying to say to your ex can be beneficial. It can also keep you out of trouble.
- It’s someone that will listen to your side. During a divorce, many people feel as if nobody understands their side of the story. That there is too much judgment on everything that they say or do. Meeting with a therapist gives you the space to express your story and emotions without judgment.
- Creating a plan: Seeing a therapist can give you space to create a plan for yourself and family. There are so many changes that happen during divorce that it can be helpful to talk to someone about the best way to navigate through these changes. Your therapist may be able to help you sort out the where to start and the best places to find resources.
Making sure the kids are Ok: For many divorces, there are kids involved. Kids can be affected greatly by divorce. It can be hard to navigate these changes without the kids getting in the middle or feeling as if they are the reason for the breakup. Kids are like sponges and they pick up every negative comment, facial expression and non-verbal cue you give off. It’s important to keep these cues in check. Meeting with a therapist can help with this. It would be a good idea for the kids to meet with a therapist as well. They may need to have a neutral party to talk to that they know won’t feel hurt by what they need to say.
Whether your divorce is hell on Earth or a peaceful departing, seeking out therapy may be something worth investing in. Divorce can bring about emotions and actions you never knew you had. Talking to someone confidential and unbiased can be extremely helpful yourself and your family.
Melissa DaSilva, LICSW is a licensed therapist in private practice located in Providence, RI. She is the owner/president of her group practice East Coast Mental Wellness (www.eastcoastmentalwellness.com). Melissa has been a therapist for over 10 years, is an advocate for LGBT rights and public speaker. You can also find out more about Melissa on: Facebook and Twitter .
Facebook Link: https://www.facebook.com/eastcoastmentalwellness/
Twitter Link: https://twitter.com/ECMWellness