Today is December 23rd, Festivus, the famously unconventional holiday created by a show I watched for many years as a young person, Seinfeld. It is a fictional holiday that invites people to gather around an aluminum pole and participate in the Airing of Grievances.
Growing up, seeing this episode every year didn’t have the same impact on me as it does now. On the surface, it’s absurd and funny. But underneath the humor, Festivus holds something surprisingly meaningful, especially for people who tend to be people pleasers.
For many, the idea of openly expressing frustrations feels uncomfortable, risky, or even wrong. People pleasers often grow up learning that harmony is maintained by staying quiet, being agreeable, and prioritizing others’ comfort over their own. So the concept of a holiday, even a fictional one, where honesty is not only allowed but expected, can feel oddly relieving.
Why Festivus Resonates With People Pleasers
People pleasers are often deeply attuned to others’ emotions. They anticipate reactions, avoid conflict, and smooth over tension before it has a chance to surface. While this skill can be adaptive, it often comes at a cost: unexpressed feelings, resentment, emotional exhaustion, and a lingering sense of invisibility.
Festivus flips the script.
The Airing of Grievances is presented as something structured, time-limited, and most importantly, permitted. There’s a subtle psychological safety in that. It introduces the idea that:
-
Feelings don’t automatically cause harm
-
Expressing dissatisfaction doesn’t equal rejection
-
Honesty can coexist with connection
Even if no one is actually listing their grievances out loud today, the possibility that it could happen matters.
Humor as a Safe Container for Truth
Festivus works because it’s wrapped in humor. Laughter lowers defenses. It gives people an emotional buffer, “I’m joking… kind of.” For those who are afraid of upsetting others, humor becomes a socially acceptable way to test honesty.
This is something many people pleasers already do instinctively:
-
They make jokes instead of direct requests
-
They hint instead of stating needs
-
They laugh off discomfort rather than naming it
Festivus validates that impulse while also gently nudging people toward something deeper: What if it were okay to say how you really feel, even briefly?
The Glimmer of Hope in “What If?”
The most powerful part of Festivus isn’t the grievances themselves; it’s the idea that expression is allowed.
For people who are conflict-avoidant or approval-seeking, that idea can feel like a glimmer of hope:
-
What if honesty didn’t destroy relationships?
-
What if expressing frustration actually led to relief?
-
What if my feelings were tolerable—even welcome?
Festivus creates a symbolic doorway. You don’t have to walk through it fully. You just have to notice that it exists.
A Gentle Reframe for Everyday Life
You don’t need an aluminum pole or a fictional holiday to practice emotional expression. But Festivus reminds us that feelings don’t have to be catastrophic to be valid.
For people pleasers, growth often doesn’t start with confrontation; it starts with permission:
-
Permission to feel annoyed
-
Permission to be disappointed
-
Permission to want something different
Festivus offers a playful reminder that naming your internal experience doesn’t make you difficult, it makes you human.
If you would like to discuss your grievances and be prepared to express them in a healthy manner next Festivus season, let’s chat. We have many therapists ready to help you process your thoughts, feelings, and experiences.
So happy Festivus to all who celebrate, and to those who don’t, may your grievances remain quietly validated, emotionally processed, and safely unspoken.
Recent Comments